hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize