I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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