I seem to have left my pride at pride
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
