At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
