The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
