I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
