Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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