It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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