I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
