Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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