Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
