got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
