omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
