just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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