Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
