guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
