Your face is a jimmy john
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
