im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
