Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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