walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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