You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
