I accidentally burped into my bong.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
