maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize