We're like a lot better than the average bears
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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