i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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