I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
is it fun? or sober?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize