this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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