please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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