why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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