left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize