Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
