Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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