YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
