dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
