If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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