why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
