have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
