I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize