I want to have your abortion
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dick very happy bro
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
