what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
