I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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