I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
