Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
