at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
