did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
