Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
