you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
