No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
