I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
