Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
