I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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