You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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