i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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