go do what you do best...puke behind churches
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
