When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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