in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize