Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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