why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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