Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
