I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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