What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
