when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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