the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
