i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
