I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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