She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
