There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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