does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize