Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
