My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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