I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't put those talents on a resume
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
